Tonight I went and saw a presentation made by this guy who went to Israel (oder Palestine) and Iraq to work with organizations like the International Solidarity Movement, and Christian plus something represented by the letters B. T. Anyway, it was interesting. I think I'm going to comment more fully later, but for now, I'll say that there were moments of comedy (namely, the three hip hop poems--recited by a bubbly white Evergreen State graduate, just to give you a more complete picture). Also, these people are terribly brave. I'm blown away by this, almost to the point of not really minding what he says. It's like performance art--I have to give him credit for having the guts.

dig how the the Boston Globe is still in denial..www.boston.com/news/globe/...apparently they don't update during the day, or all the columnists at the globe are being drunk and weepy in some bar together.

I cannot believe this has happened. But, at the same time, some subconscious calm came over me when it started becoming clear last night. We'll all be fine. I'm a little freaked out. It's also weird to think that, John Kerry is so important to us now, but because he lost he'll end up being just a historical footnote, somebody to make campaign comparisons to...dukakis, goldwater, mondale..."John F. Kerry: a late 20th century senator from massachusetts who protested the vietnam war and made a failed bid for president in 2004 against incumbent George W. Bush."

Um, I've been added to my brother's friends list...Is this a joke?

woohoo, I'm going to UC Berkeley! Holla. Out.

wow, father and brother are totally sadistic people. that's really it.

Can I just say that my parents are...aggravating. They're both like, still 16. My Dad taunts, and my mom is beyond catty. Okay, so point blank, they cannot afford the University of Michigan. Fine. But don't try to make up stuff when I ask simple questions or make simple statements! "Well, why didn't you tell me there was some kind of financial limit? If you had told me last year, I could have done something about it." "Like what" says the mom sarcastically/just plain bitchily. "There are financial plans that you can start outlining as a junior, planning for scholarships..." Then, the classic, totally irrelevant change of subject: "Well, before you applied, I never knew you wanted to go to the University of Michigan". So, because it was not my lifelong dream, I don't really want to go there? "You can ask Mark, ask Alice, where I want to go to college, and they'll be able to tell you." "Well...I don't really trust Mark as a reliable source....I think you're just confused, you didn't really want to go there until recently...Everybody says that Berkeley is more prestigious between the two..." (Umm, two totally different universities, two totally different places, rankings have no relevance...) And then at last--"I thought you wanted to go to a small school". "Well, I got into that program [the residential college: live in dorms with same people, have separate small classes, facilities, different options for majors/minors etc]. The mom: "Yeah, that's not a program. It's just a housing arrangement" (or something to that effect). With my parents, I know they are feeling guilty when they start making stupid comments like that last one. When they start making those comments, sounding annoyed and catty, that's when I know they know they're telling me bs.

Fine, you can't afford it. I can accept that. But don't try to turn it around and make it somehow my fault that I can't go, like I didn't push it enough or something. And don't try to lie about what you said to me in the past. "We said if you got into similar places, we'd pick based on money." NOT TRUE!!! They said if I could not decide between two places, we would decide based on money. And I can decide. But when I said this, the dad said "You don't really want to go there". the mom: "Look, we've said yes to plenty of things in the past". So, you're the perfect parents, I can go anywhere I want...but not. Keep in mind that I have asked on multiple occasions over the past few years: do you have money set aside, how are you paying for college? "Oh, we'll take care of it, we'll even pay off you student loans". The last time I questioned this was my birthday in september. "You'll be in debt for awhile though, won't you?" "Oh Diana, we own a home, we'll be in debt forever anyway". Then two weeks ago: "I really like Michigan more". The DAd (groaning): "Do you want us to be in debt forever?"

Fine, you can't afford it. But leave it at that. Don't make up things. Because you have nothing on me, and I have so much--SO MUCH--on you.

Oh my God, where would you go to college guys, UC Berkeley or Grinnell? It's kind of getting down to the wire...

boredom, and confusion, and lethargy. yeah, that's about it. also, it's kind of disturbing to flip through a whs yearbook and realize that my version of heaven right now is a prison block with orange lockers. Every once in awhile I look up and notice that where I live is probably the most beautiful place I've ever seen. but I can't even fully grasp it because I am unhappy. and college decisions are so hard.

how about a prom threesome. that sounded wrong, but seriously, anybody in winchester that doesn't have a date by the time I get there is totally holding my arm on one side for "the walk". that would look nice, a guy on each arm...combined with "here she comes, miss america" wafting through the air...okay I'm done. have to read The Fountainhead for a big old scholarship.

I had so many plans at the beginning of the year--so maybe I can do some of those things now. It's just strange when things change gradually, and then you remember all of a sudden.