Diana

Comments

browndia@grinnell.edu — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 05:33:55 GMT

Tonight I went and saw a presentation made by this guy who went to Israel (oder Palestine) and Iraq to work with organizations like the International Solidarity Movement, and Christian plus something represented by the letters B. T. Anyway, it was interesting. I think I'm going to comment more fully later, but for now, I'll say that there were moments of comedy (namely, the three hip hop poems--recited by a bubbly white Evergreen State graduate, just to give you a more complete picture). Also, these people are terribly brave. I'm blown away by this, almost to the point of not really minding what he says. It's like performance art--I have to give him credit for having the guts.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Thu, 04 Nov 2004 01:43:34 GMT

dig how the the Boston Globe is still in denial..www.boston.com/news/globe/...apparently they don't update during the day, or all the columnists at the globe are being drunk and weepy in some bar together.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Wed, 03 Nov 2004 18:17:56 GMT

I cannot believe this has happened. But, at the same time, some subconscious calm came over me when it started becoming clear last night. We'll all be fine. I'm a little freaked out. It's also weird to think that, John Kerry is so important to us now, but because he lost he'll end up being just a historical footnote, somebody to make campaign comparisons to...dukakis, goldwater, mondale..."John F. Kerry: a late 20th century senator from massachusetts who protested the vietnam war and made a failed bid for president in 2004 against incumbent George W. Bush."

browndia@grinnell.edu — Tue, 08 Jun 2004 20:58:19 GMT

Um, I've been added to my brother's friends list...Is this a joke?

browndia@grinnell.edu — Sun, 02 May 2004 02:17:41 GMT

woohoo, I'm going to UC Berkeley! Holla. Out.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Fri, 30 Apr 2004 06:00:25 GMT

wow, father and brother are totally sadistic people. that's really it.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Wed, 28 Apr 2004 03:09:07 GMT

Can I just say that my parents are...aggravating. They're both like, still 16. My Dad taunts, and my mom is beyond catty. Okay, so point blank, they cannot afford the University of Michigan. Fine. But don't try to make up stuff when I ask simple questions or make simple statements! "Well, why didn't you tell me there was some kind of financial limit? If you had told me last year, I could have done something about it." "Like what" says the mom sarcastically/just plain bitchily. "There are financial plans that you can start outlining as a junior, planning for scholarships..." Then, the classic, totally irrelevant change of subject: "Well, before you applied, I never knew you wanted to go to the University of Michigan". So, because it was not my lifelong dream, I don't really want to go there? "You can ask Mark, ask Alice, where I want to go to college, and they'll be able to tell you." "Well...I don't really trust Mark as a reliable source....I think you're just confused, you didn't really want to go there until recently...Everybody says that Berkeley is more prestigious between the two..." (Umm, two totally different universities, two totally different places, rankings have no relevance...) And then at last--"I thought you wanted to go to a small school". "Well, I got into that program [the residential college: live in dorms with same people, have separate small classes, facilities, different options for majors/minors etc]. The mom: "Yeah, that's not a program. It's just a housing arrangement" (or something to that effect). With my parents, I know they are feeling guilty when they start making stupid comments like that last one. When they start making those comments, sounding annoyed and catty, that's when I know they know they're telling me bs.

Fine, you can't afford it. I can accept that. But don't try to turn it around and make it somehow my fault that I can't go, like I didn't push it enough or something. And don't try to lie about what you said to me in the past. "We said if you got into similar places, we'd pick based on money." NOT TRUE!!! They said if I could not decide between two places, we would decide based on money. And I can decide. But when I said this, the dad said "You don't really want to go there". the mom: "Look, we've said yes to plenty of things in the past". So, you're the perfect parents, I can go anywhere I want...but not. Keep in mind that I have asked on multiple occasions over the past few years: do you have money set aside, how are you paying for college? "Oh, we'll take care of it, we'll even pay off you student loans". The last time I questioned this was my birthday in september. "You'll be in debt for awhile though, won't you?" "Oh Diana, we own a home, we'll be in debt forever anyway". Then two weeks ago: "I really like Michigan more". The DAd (groaning): "Do you want us to be in debt forever?"

Fine, you can't afford it. But leave it at that. Don't make up things. Because you have nothing on me, and I have so much--SO MUCH--on you.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Mon, 26 Apr 2004 20:37:04 GMT

Oh my God, where would you go to college guys, UC Berkeley or Grinnell? It's kind of getting down to the wire...

browndia@grinnell.edu — Wed, 21 Apr 2004 17:37:26 GMT

boredom, and confusion, and lethargy. yeah, that's about it. also, it's kind of disturbing to flip through a whs yearbook and realize that my version of heaven right now is a prison block with orange lockers. Every once in awhile I look up and notice that where I live is probably the most beautiful place I've ever seen. but I can't even fully grasp it because I am unhappy. and college decisions are so hard.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Tue, 13 Apr 2004 03:56:05 GMT

how about a prom threesome. that sounded wrong, but seriously, anybody in winchester that doesn't have a date by the time I get there is totally holding my arm on one side for "the walk". that would look nice, a guy on each arm...combined with "here she comes, miss america" wafting through the air...okay I'm done. have to read The Fountainhead for a big old scholarship.

I had so many plans at the beginning of the year--so maybe I can do some of those things now. It's just strange when things change gradually, and then you remember all of a sudden.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Sun, 11 Apr 2004 23:43:55 GMT

I hate the fact that I wrote "midwestern corn mazes". like people talk about certain things only being in the midwest, "quaint", "sweet", "down to earth" etc. There are corn mazes on all those western mass farms too. stupid people. You all wish you lived in the midwest! and so do I...

browndia@grinnell.edu — Sun, 11 Apr 2004 21:38:30 GMT

losah. la, I don't know what to do. I guess I don't really want to go to Grinnell. But I just am not fully buying into the whole UC Berkeley thing either. I really think that the University of Michigan is the best fit for me, but my parents have made it so clear that it is out of the question. I think if I made it clear that it was absolutely my first choice, or said that I wouldn't be happy anywhere else (a lie) they would let me go, especially considering the fact that I am applying for all these scholarships now. But then again, there are some things about it that don't work, like the fact that they have, well, a real music department, which means that I would never be able to do anything music related ever (it all goes through that separate department and all the supergood dep. kids would do everything) aside from watching. this is a nice feature of grinnell--you can do whatever you want, even if you suck. But then, I imagine driving out to one of the billion farms around Michigan, getting pumpkins and going through those ubiquitous midwestern corn mazes when the ground is starting to get all hardpacked and frosted over. And running out of some building into the snow. Snowing. I love seasons, and it might sound silly, but not being able to live through the change of seasons for four years could contribute to some serious depression. I mean, it already has. But there's the ego problem with Berkeley, and the fact that everybody in my immediate family, extended family, random family friends that my parents talk to, don't see that there is any choice to make. Apparently, way back when I was applying to schools, my uncle told my mom that if I got into Berkeley I would "have to go" because the experience couldn't be equalled or some junk like that. This is also what all the beautiful totally uhelpful college guide books say. Stupid guide books. It's so much easier to just fall back on Berkeley as something that was inevitable because it's what everybody expects. (So much easier than actually having to make a decision, or take responsibility.)

browndia@grinnell.edu — Tue, 06 Apr 2004 07:39:32 GMT

I talk to myself a lot. Just now, I signed off of livejournal and said out loud, "you have to go do your fucking crap now" (translation: I must now type up my biology homework). then I signed back on because I had an urge to tell everybody that. I also tend to swear a lot, and just replace every word with crap. this is obviously mark's fault--the result of too many unnecessary allnighters during which speech became more and more garbled and hysterical laughter ensued and new language patterns carried over into daytime.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Sun, 28 Mar 2004 02:37:18 GMT

I got into my two first choice colleges (Grinnell and UMichigan, so now I don't know what to do. Interestingly enough, I was waitlisted by every other private school, which is weird, cause, I don't know why, but it just is. But it's cool at any rate, because there is no fluff to distract my parents. Agh, aside from driving distance to Chicago and location in midwestern states, these two places are completely different. What shall I do? I'm still waiting on rejection/acceptance from UC Berkeley. I probably will not get in there, and I have mixed feelings about: I would like to get in, because I have an ego, but I don't want to get in because I have an ego (and even though I don't really want to go there, it would thus be difficult for me to turn down), plus my parents love it. But like I said, this probably won't be a problem, because Cal admissions are kind of like Harvard admissions. Anyway, I am surprisingly not that excited right now. I kind of wish I had only gotten into grinnell, or only UM, because....well, crap.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Wed, 24 Mar 2004 06:24:56 GMT

wow, getting into college fixes everything! all of a sudden I have a family and a happy life.

college

browndia@grinnell.edu — Wed, 24 Mar 2004 00:40:50 GMT

hey, I got into the University of Michigan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been getting more and more nervous because in the past week I was rejected by ucla, and then waitlisted by macalester, but now, hurray! I really can't even express just how relieved I am. I was beginning to get paranoid about my last semester grades and having to transfer and blah. but it doesn't matter now if I don't get into another single place, because I'm already into a place that I really love.
Unfortunately, I freaked out yesterday and my parents freaked out too, and I started talking about how I couldn't go to school in California or Arizona because I hate the weather, and California sucks and blah. sometimes I think I should not have applied to arizona, because even though I really liked it when I visited (and I wouldn't have applied to the place if I didn't like it), I still would obviously like to get into schools other than my safety schools--that is why they're called safety, or backup, schools. but I'm afraid, because my mom went to arizona and my grandpa teaches there, that even saying something as little as the fact that I want to live in a place that has a winter with snow, sounds like a slight to her. but yeah, such is my life.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Thu, 18 Mar 2004 00:21:41 GMT

I gotsted into UC Santa Barbara, hurrayness. anyway, I've noticed that I've been getting into colleges in order of difficulty.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Wed, 17 Mar 2004 06:36:11 GMT

hurrah, I'm coming to winchester in may! ooh, I'm going to prom with mark...I wonder if it will be more fun this time. last time was kind of eh for various reasons.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Sun, 14 Mar 2004 20:35:47 GMT

So, I'm going to Germany this summer for a couple of weeks, and I'm planning my trip now. Any suggestions?

browndia@grinnell.edu — Thu, 04 Mar 2004 00:42:54 GMT

girl you know it's girl you know it's girl you know it's girl you know it's

browndia@grinnell.edu — Wed, 03 Mar 2004 04:13:11 GMT

Well, first off, I got into UC Santa Cruz, which is nice because now I can go to college next year. I'm not going to be annoying and say that I didn't think I would get in (it was my safety), but it is definitely a relief, and happiness because Santa Cruz is supercool. Also, yea for votingness. For all you CA people (um, none of you), or anyone who follows CA stuff, I said yes to all the propositions (plus the regional stuff about no Walmarts having grocery store type stuff or taking over in unincorporated areas, and funding for more public transit, wow, I typed pubic the first time). And then yes for all the Democratic incumbents for everything. And just for fun, I voted for Kucinich in the primary. That was cool. I figured, I'll be a dutiful little girl when the elections come around and vote for Kerry--we all know he'll win the nomination and I do like him a lot. But when it doesn't really matter, I might as well vote for the fun utopia candidate.

I was sick all weekend and Monday, and still kind of am. And my Dad told me to get a life today. I felt very sad all weekend, and was very depressed about going back to school. Andrew has been in the back/front of my mind a lot recently. For about 1.75 years now, I have been really frightened by this quote from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. It comes when Francie is heartbroken about this military guy that she fell in love with who then got married. Her mom, Katie tells her that she'll fall in love again, but each time, it will be because something about the man reminds her of that first one.
That really scares me.
It's like saying that nobody else will measure up, I'll always be seeking out copies of Andrew, going for people solely because of memories of him that match up with little things about other people. It's like saying that nothing will every be so wholely good again.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Sat, 31 Jan 2004 07:20:13 GMT

it's like andrew has just disappeared. I wish I could find him.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Fri, 23 Jan 2004 04:50:32 GMT

damn it israel, live up to my expectations.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Thu, 22 Jan 2004 23:09:16 GMT

I can't stand my brother, but he is definitely right about one thing. He couldn't stand all his superintoschoolparanoia classmates at whs, used to make fun of them allthe time. I found a bunch of their livejournals through random friends lists, and wow...they are so fucking annoying.

browndia@grinnell.edu — Thu, 22 Jan 2004 00:44:16 GMT

yea, I love john edwards, super excited. I saw him interviewed a couple months ago and was like ohmygodiloveyou, but I didn't think he had any shot. hurray for the midwest!
Also, tucker carlson is the best looking republican political commentator ever, enjoy the sexy little bow tie...